He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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