I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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