Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
