My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
