I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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