you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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