I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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