Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
