she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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