My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
