Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
