They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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