Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
