what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
