every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
