i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
