y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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