are you still at the devil's house?
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
