Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
