I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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