we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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