Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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