you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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