but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
