He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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