is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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