I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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