i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
