I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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