You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
