he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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