6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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