Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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