At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
