Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
