Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I faked an abortion last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
