she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
