i would punch a child for taco bell
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize