Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
