This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
