i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
