He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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