We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
