If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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