To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
