am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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