Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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