hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
