You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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