I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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