i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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