So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
