Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
