Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
