Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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