I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
