he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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