I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
