barbara walters just said penis...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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