Nicole vs. Life
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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