is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's the barista slut.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
