Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
