absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
