I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
