It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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