I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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