apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
