hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
