And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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