i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
