your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
