Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
