the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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