she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
