Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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