god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
