i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
