My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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