mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
