You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
