I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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