Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
