I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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