I hate your face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
