To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
