I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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