I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
