I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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