Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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