Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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