I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
