You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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